February ~ 2002
Brought to you in pieces and parts by the Coconut Joe Publishing Co.
In the song “Obvious Child” by that brilliant musician Paul Simon, he so eloquently asks, “Why deny the obvious, child?” Unfortunately, in a world of so many possibilities, the frightening truth is that nothing is obvious – EVER! That’s why the Madame is here, using her vast understanding of the cosmos to bring you a clear picture of what is in store for you. The inherently wise people in this world already accept that astrology is a science far above medicine, physics and chemistry and could even someday surpass marine biology in importance as well. So don’t underestimate this priceless gift that the Madame brings to you as a public service.
Here are the Madame’s observations for this month:
Aries (March
21-April 19) Oncoming driver blinking his headlights could be trying to
tell you that either your own headlights aren’t on or there is a speed trap
ahead. The “what’s under there?” gag from second grade is a surprise hit
with the folks gathered around the coffee maker.
Taurus (April
20-May 20) Amorous sentiments are in the air; sweets and greeting cards
will be widely available for purchase if you choose to join in the seemingly
universal celebration. But here’s the kicker: You will be seeing red.
Gemini (May
21-June 21) Try
to convince friends that the title of the Nazareth song is "Heir of the
Dog." If they challenge you on this, construct an argument from the words
of the chorus, "Now you're messin' with a son of a bitch."
Cancer (June
22-July 22) Special sales will be associated with a day of commemoration
for all those who have ascended to the Oval Office. Sublimely try to determine
which co-worker has recently applied pungent cream for soothing muscle soreness.
Leo (July
23-Aug. 22) Brainstorming could produce some fresh ideas. Furry creature
from the rodent family is sought for important role in predicting near
future’s meteorological patterns. You could be the one to put the “fun”
into funeral.
Virgo (Aug.
23-Sept. 22) These letters could figure prominently into your big
picture: V, I, R, G and O. If you are a famous historian, freely borrow passages
from colleagues’ work without properly attributing the material. Credit card
number is needed for online purchase.
Libra (Sept.
23-Oct. 23) You will see five rings, each a different color,
interconnected in a design showing three in a top row and two in a bottom row.
Where there’s a will, there’s a person who knows he is going to croak
someday.
Scorpio (Oct.
24-Nov. 21) Someone
will "rip" someone else "a new one." Automobile’s
value follows a steady pattern of depreciation. Double
exclamation marks liven up your writing!! Tell that special somebody that they
are blocking your view of the TV.
Sagittarius
(Nov. 22-Dec. 21) The date dial on analog wristwatch may require some
adjusting at the end of this month. Hangnail could be your secret weapon in a
thumb-wrestling match. Stress provides ammunition your digestive needs to create
ulcers.
Capricorn (Dec.
22-Jan. 19) Extinction remains the less preferable option for endangered
species. Decline several invitations to enjoy great savings on calling plans in
which you are not already enrolled. Pull my finger.
Aquarius (Jan.
20-Feb. 16) The
word "rhinoplasty" is an inadequate description of the sum of all your
fears. Try being a part of the problem instead of part of
the solution. Local athlete may be touted as the next big name in the sporting
world.
The Madame's Memoirs
January 2k2 December 2k1 November 2k1 October 2k1 September 2k1 August 2k1 July 2k1 June 2k1
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