February ~ 2k3
Brought to you in pieces and parts by the Coconut Joe Publishing Co.
Due to her recent knee replacement surgery, Madame Deevine is temporarily unable to do psychic readings and balloon animals at children’s birthday parties. All other astrological and psychic services will continue to be available, and Madame expresses sincerest apologies to all who already paid the nonrefundable deposit. For those who dare to dream, you don’t have to pay more than the cost of postage to hear the Madame’s good word; for those who have e-mail, you don’t have to pay a lick. Send your dreams, real or imagined, to madamedeevine@aol.com.
Here are the Madame’s non-artificially sweetened observations for this month:
Aries (March 21-April 19) Workplace acquaintance insists on washing out coffee cup in drinking fountain, even though there is a serviceable washbasin just footsteps away. Replace gasoline cap after refueling vehicle.
Taurus (April 20-May 20) "Reality" television makes more headway in attracting viewers. There's no other way to break this to you: The "Electric Slide" and the "Macarena" are no longer in favor. Give it up, already.
Gemini (May 21-June 21) If you operate a sporting goods store, choose to give away expensive paraphernalia to recognize a customer's "academic achievement," but do not feel compelled to do this for other customers who may have even greater scholastic successes.
Cancer (June 22-July 22) That guy in the Ditech.com commercials is really starting to get on your nerves. Pass the dutchie on the left-hand side. Reminder: AOL will never ask you for password or billing information.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) Chocolates are a sweet treat for someone special. It may be time to replace the boxes of baking soda in your fridge and freezer. Contemplate.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) Oddly enough, you find the position in which you will ultimately be posed in your casket to be an incredibly comfortable way to fall asleep for a nap.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 23) Nobody likes to be called "Chug-a-lug." Proctologist says you may have proven that there IS a wrong way to eat a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup.
Scorpio (Oct. 24-Nov. 21) The best way to tell if something is up is to look in that direction. Your idea of a little variety in your love life - multiple partners - isn't received well by your spouse.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) If it's war you want, it's war you'll get. If it isn't war you want, tough. Lie low, in the shadows, and then scamper out and scream "Gotcha!"
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) Happy thoughts of baseball are quickly drowned out by deep concern about this year's roster. You've had your fill of snow for the year, but you're going to have to suffer through more anyway.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 16) Spotlight on prisoner trying to escape. A little birdie tells you that you are really off your rocker if you really believes little birdies go around telling people things, unless those little birdies are parrots.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) You might be the only person who seems to think Deep Purple actually is singing "My Woman Can Croquet You."Madame's
Mailbag
Dear
Madame,
Sometimes, I dream in black and white. Other times, I dream in color. What’s the deal with that?
Signed, Ted in Topeka
Dear
Dorothy,
Everybody’s
a freakin’ comedian, huh? Do you think Madame does not instantly recognize
that you are making an allusion to “Wizard of Oz?” Oh, excellent touch,
being from Kansas and all. Madame supposes you want me to analyze a dream for
Toto, too?
Sincerely,
Madame
Deevine
Madame Deevine attained her dream analyst accreditation from the East Central California Center for Nocturnal Lucidity. Please do not attempt to analyze dreams without supervision from a certified counselor.
The Madame's Memoirs
January 2k3 December 2k2 November 2k2 October 2k2
September 2k2 August 2k2 July 2k2 June 2k2 May 2k2 April 2k2
March 2k2 February 2k2 January 2k2 December 2k1 November 2k1
October 2k1 September 2k1 August 2k1 July 2k1 June 2k1
Contact the Webmaster
All content property of Vale Edge and The Coconut Joe Publishing Co.