March ~ 2002
Brought to you in pieces and parts by the Coconut Joe Publishing Co.
Madame Deevine, a native of Berlin, California, would like to make it absolutely clear that she is in no way affiliated with or related to Madame Divine of Hanover, Nevada. Madame Deevine had no choice but to dismantle her own Web site because she has been bombarded by folks who confuse her with the “other” Madame. The REAL Madame simply does not provide those types of services. Hers is a HOROSCOPE-house, not the other kind. And the good people at valeedge.com make it possible for loyal readers to continue to receive her services.
Here are the Madame’s observations for this month:
Aries (March 21-April 19) Ethnic observance presents an opportunity for all to imbibe. Green would not be an unpopular color of clothing to choose for such festivities. Intrigue your love interest with a pledge to help keep the house neater.
Taurus (April
20-May 20) Work up an appetite between meals. Triple a number’s value
by multiplying it by three. The letters D, N and A are highly likely to play a
crucial role in describing your genetic makeup.
Gemini (May
21-June 21) It’s time for your “peeps” to give your “props”
back. Try to lay off of the Alleluias for a while. Turn in for overtime if you
have worked it and are eligible to receive additional pay for it (please refer
to your company’s guidelines if you are unsure about your status.)
Cancer (June
22-July 22) Gradually diminishing brackets of 64, 32, 16, 8, 4 and 2 will
figure quite prominently in a social betting pool. Heed warnings about avoiding
any kind of bodily contact with instant bonding glue. The code words “Pacino
shoulda won an Oscar for `Serpico’” fail to gain entry for you at secretive
club.
Leo (July
23-Aug. 22) If you happen to control an empire, your acquaintances may
have some backstabbing tendencies around mid-month, with fatal consequences. You
are “eye candy” for Aries, but it will never work out because Aries more
closely resembles a lamb and you are more like a lion.
Virgo (Aug.
23-Sept. 22) All of Hollywood steps out for a star-studded evening of
patting itself on the back and putting on its most superficial face. Watch for
ice on bridges. Misunderstanding about putting your finger in the dike could
lead to serious charges against you.
Libra (Sept.
23-Oct. 23) Springtime religious rituals arrive unusually early. There
will be no penalties for putting all your eggs in one basket. Strike up a
conversation with the boss about favorite show tunes, asking your superior to
sing a few lines. Parking brake prevents stationary car from rolling downhill.
Scorpio (Oct.
24-Nov. 21) Do you really want me to spell it out for you? I-T.
Sagittarius
(Nov. 22-Dec. 21) At the end of the day, your feet really reek. On the
one hand, this could be your lucky day. On the other hand, it might not be. On
yet another hand, well, wait – forget I said that; a third hand wouldn’t
work well in this comparison and I’ve pretty much exhausted all of the options
on the first two hands anyhow.
Capricorn (Dec.
22-Jan. 19) Energize those close to you by prefacing every conversation
with “Boo yawl!” Nature geeks and a has-been radio station may be all
atwitter about the migratory patterns of the mascot turkey vulture. If you keep
tilting back in your chair like that, it will tip over and you will almost
surely become injured.
Aquarius (Jan.
20-Feb. 16) Without actually opening the file, delete suspicious-looking
e-mail; it could be a computer virus. Embrace change but try not to hoard so
much of it; its value can’t grow if you keep piling it up in a bucket.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) Try not to be so liberal with the cinnamon-scented air freshener after going potty, please. Make good on your financial obligations for various purchases. A Pisces plays the primary role in your life – controlling all that you do and making all of your decisions for you.
The Madame's Memoirs
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